Its Only Werds...

You can't stop it, you know? People will always look at a believer's life as if, because we profess to believe, we should be perfect. We are scrutinized under a magnifying glass no matter how we try to avoid it. We can attempt to teach our peers who are not believers or who 'ride the fence' that this is not good and not fair, but that convincing may not happen. You see, this, to me, is why He teaches us to walk His way. (...the shoes of the gospel of peace, crucified with Christ, behold, a new creature, yes?) Though we are human and we stumble and fall, and through Him we are forgiven, we are still an example.

 One of my favorite sermons by one of my favorite preachers includes these questions in one form or another (not quoted). Do non-believers look at your life and see victory? peace? joy? Would they want to become a Christian so their lives will be much like yours? Or do they consider themselves glad that they aren't a believer because your life is a giant turn-off for them to observe? If our lifestyles don't make people hang around us asking, 'Wow! What is it with you and is it available to me?' then we may want to evaluate a few things. I fall short.

Sorry to report that I haven't always done the best I can do at work. Some things I blame on depression, some things on becoming overwhelmed and falling into what I (not-so-fondly) call "stun-mode". But most of my defeat comes from not seeking Him in all the things I do. My example here at work has not always been shining. I am so sorry for that, not just because of how He sees it, but because I have not encouraged certain people at certain times to believe. Oh, don't get me wrong. I am quick to encourage, don't participate in gossip, encourage positive attitudes...all the easy stuff. But when the going gets tough in my office (I am the only person in bookkeeping and also the IT wanna-be-stuck-with-it-regardless), I do not seek Him first.

Quite a preamble to say this: Boss, you need Him. You are trusting in what you are able to do and your money. You make me sad. This makes me think about how it is impossible for me to thread a needle with a camel. You make me fear for what may happen that will bring you to your knees. I want peace for you, peace and Grace. Yet, I know you will point to my failures if I try to share this with you. You will remind me of my shortcomings and gasp at how I have the nerve to "tell you how to live" even though I know there is a better way.

The things that have transpired over the last six months break my heart. That is all about my boss and insecurities that mask themselves as adjusting to a failing economy. I wanted to write him (boss) a note explaining that, without Him, there is no hope and he is demonstrating that behavior. But that with Him, all things are possible. He needs (what I call) a "God-experience" to see that God exists and loves him. Yet those I know who are not believers are intelligent, educated and logical. I am surrounded on all sides, many of them are men. Quite a mission field. And I tremble at the magnitude of that, along with my strong aversion to a woman witnessing to a man.

That makes me want to rant on something else, but I will let that go for now.

My boss, who God knows and loves, needs prayer. My boss needs me to do the best I can possibly do in spite of my past. My boss needs me to step up and speak when the Holy Spirit leads me. Sometimes I wish I was a d00d.

<3 loree

Ephesians 6:10-17, Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Matthew 19:24 and more...